You might be surprised to learn that my own blog was born out of the following of other blogs (not really :)) more specifically a relationship advice blog. The writer has a distinct style and frank advice about love, sex and relationships from the male perspective. I love it. I follow his blog better than I update my own (LOL). That’s because his blog has a distinct purpose that developed into a book and I’m still developing my own. Anyway, I recently read this blog’s (link below) advice on a when/when not to propose tip. As I said before, I love this blog but it’ more for the (entertaining) insight into the male psyche than for the advice. Which brings to today’s post about my advice on relationship advice.
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a relationship advice expert. Honestly, I have never been in a relationship, I’m one of those freak-of-nature 20-something virgins flying under the radar as any other chick. So all of my advice is provided through such a lens. I would never presume to tell someone to come to me with their issues because I can’t relate to whatever may be going on but if you want an impartial perspective unclouded by past experiences and emotions I’m the one.
So what’s my advice on relationship advice?
1.) Don’t Trust the Source.
2.) Get Your Own Game Plan
3.) One Rule
1.) Don’t Trust the Source
The latest trend in relationship advice is coming from men. Men are arming women with the tools to hit the clubs and block parties like a ninja. Don’t trust the source. I am glad that men are coming forward and providing insight into how they work but the advice is slanted. That said I wouldn’t say trust advice of a woman either, it’s slanted as well. The issue I find with advice coming from either sex is that it is slanted toward how the opposite sex treats the other and is not balanced with advice on what their fulfillment in a relationship is. Men are every bit as unsure and wish-washy as women in what they want in a relationship or what they’re looking for in a partner. We both list the qualities we want in a person and rarely act when presented with those qualities. Granted all this does not mean to trash all advice because more often than not there are gems of wisdom in the advice. Just don’t follow blindly. I love the advice blog but even I see flawed logic and can’t agree about every point that the blogger has to make. Rather than take a man’s advice on how to handle a relationship I would say learn from the man about men. Same for men, don’t take a woman’s advice on a relationship, just from a woman about women which will lead to number two.
2.) Develop your own game plan
Call me Ned Stark: I disdain the game. Like Ned, I’m honest to a fault and don’t feel like entertaining the twittering bullshit facades. But unless I want to end up like Ned, out in the first season, better get up on the game. Learn about men from men rather do what they say (even the good men) cuz that will get you played as well. The inverse for men. Listen to either party and you will jump through hoops and face insurmountable expectations. Just learn the opposite sex and develop your own approach to flirting, sex, relationships, friendship etc. Also learn yourself. FOR REAL. I find people know themselves better than they like to admit. Learn the game, it’s ultimately the same doesn’t really change, just the players. This is the reason you learn the men/women you’re dealing with from the sources themselves. The men of yesteryear are not the men of today, and women have definitely come from the kitchen. Take the advice given with some salt and get your game plan.
3.) One Rule
Like I said, I’m honest to a fault I feel like one simple rule would cure most problems: the golden rule. All is fair in love and war but emotions are a dangerous thing to play with especially in a time where fatal attractions are common place. People as group have grown more obsessive, turning smiles and simple kindness into profound and deep romances, the opposite holds true as well. In this way I don’t fault men for their paranoia…to a certain degree. But anyway whenever I hear advice I mostly hear the sexes talking about how the other should treat them and not really speaking on what they are going to do on the other end. I see it as this: don’t ask me to anything you couldn’t see yourself doing for me regardless of what it is. This goes especially for relationships.
You know the phrase do as I say not as I do? For relationship advice I would say learn why they do, do not what they say to do.
blackgirlsareeasy.com Check it out. It is a good read.