I bet you’re wondering what the h3ll that title is? Or why is there such a huge gap between this and my last post (somewhere around 4 weeks ago).  In essence, I fell off…from everywhere, even from Facebook (note: I use it sporatically or when I’m in a good mood). I made some crushing discoveries and have been trying to nurse my ego back to form. To fully comprehend this, I’m going to spin a little tale based on a true story (the best kind:).

Back in December 2011, a young female matriculated from her alma mater full of pride and hope for the future she was fucking stupid looked forward to 2012 as year of change for her. She spent the first two quarters rosey-eyed and sure that she would eventually enter the job market and lose all the weight she intended. She was so inspired in fact, that she decided to fill the no-end-in-sight  time developing her other interests.  She began a comic book, outlined a novel, began designing a website, joined an International Exchange site and began rigorous workout routine. She was foolishy filled confidence.

   But the closing of the second quarter held horrifying truths to be revealed. She discovered that Web Design techniques and standards had moved forward into a coding language she couldn’t make heads or tails of. When she showed kids her comic she learned that kids hate to read. Everyone in the International Exchange were only trying to better their English not exchange, novels were on average about 40,000+ words and worst of all…..she had only lost 15lbs!  She had not heard from a single job she applied for, she was broke, in debt, no prospects, unable to move foward, getting older by the day, living with her mother and only 15lbs lighter. AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 

She fell into deep black pit of disappointment and depression#truestory. 

But then I heard a line in a song of my favorite artist:

Whatcha gonna do with your education when reality collides with your dreams and passion?Shing02

It was one of those moments, for any music lover, when an artist captures the heart of your situation so utterly and completely that you love them unconditionally.  I knew what Shing02 was saying, not just informational knowing, knowing the way you know from experience kind of knowing. I wasn’t there when Shing02 was going through his “Destruction”(check it out in VIDEOS) but God knows I’m glad he’s here for mine #heartofafan.

So, I had some majorly crushing blows to my ego. Here I was, a 3.26 trilingual graduate whom everyone universally liked and agreed that I was talented and destined to succeed, going on about 5 months without a job. Not even a call back, just a inbox full of “regrets and well wishes.” I had my artsy talents to distract me from my unemployment woes but even those were put in the grinder. I slowly became a hermit, tired of trying to explain why I haven’t found a job yet. It seemed so ridiculous to everyone. No way I, Uit, didn’t have a job. Their tones seemed to imply I just wasn’t trying hard enough. And I began to believe that, so I created a profile with just about every 3rd party, private employment/talent search board in existence. Followed some friendly advice and began to apply for jobs across the country.

I don’t even hear crickets, dude #hardouthereforapimp#coldworld#welcometothejungle.

And, yeah, the weight-loss thing was the final straw that sent me spiraling down#iwanttobealone.

So I have been spending the past four weeks a lot less productive than the first quarter and a lot less hopeful. Even this blog was a disappointment once I realized that the majority of my comments were fake#laughtokeepfromcrying. Ugh, so depressing. If it wasn’t for the people that truly cared, you know the ones that bother to call and text you even though you don’t respond, I wouldn’t be back at this. Which brings us full circle to the topic title.

<7M(wo/j)=EoM means little under 7 months without a job yields and epiphany of me.

Something a close friend of mine said over the phone, coaching me through a negative attack on my life, was that maybe I had all this time for a reason: to learn something. When she said that,  something clicked and I immediately set about learning what it was supposed to be. I don’t think I’ve found the answer since I’m still unemployed but I have discovered the following about myself#journeybegins:

1.At first I was thinking that maybe I wasn’t as talented as I and everyone else thought I was. Maybe I was just a really good student. While that is true and, I realized, not a bad thing, I also realized that the untalented part was untrue. In retrospect, I see just how talented and capable I am. So why am I unemployed? I must lack something.

2.I found what I was lacking. Initiative. I realized that throughout my stellar and activity-filled academic life, I never stepped up to the plate. Never took the step that someone was supposed to take. I never took on leadership despite being offered to do so many times. That’s when I realized another trait about me.

3.I procrastinate (delaying initiative until critical mass) because

4. I’m an idea person and so fumble with the execution, because

4. I place a unhealthy premium on perfection (even physically) BECAUSE (getting deeper)

5. I am afraid of making mistakes BECAUSE (biggest one!)

6. I am afraid of being ridiculed.

*Whips sweat from brow*#selfdiscovery. Then I thought, well, of course as a follower I would look great. Lots to offer but only a secretary? Really good musician, not section leader? Quick learner, not president? Drum Major? Committee Head? Nope.  I never put any of my talents to the test, on the forefront and been responsible for their result. I only take initiative at critical mass (hence procrastination). All this in turn made me again question whether I was as talented as I thought I was since I’ve never taken the test since I’m too afraid of anyone, but me, seeing the results. Don’t I have an issue with failing, I just don’t want it to be public news.

And everyday I’m getting more ambitious not less (I realized one day I wanted to build my own forest so I’d have somewhere beautiful  to walk and watch the moon#WTF#dreams), making anxious and uncertain, I feel waaaay behind in life….at 23. I realized with these growing ambitions that I can’t procrastinate until I’m 4o years old to go on 10 year crusade to fulfill all my dreams before I’m fifty (that’s the kind thing I could let happen). I could do that, my best work has always been under pressure, but do I really want to wait until 40 to live?#questions. I’m lost in short. And unfortunately the clock is against me.

Not that I have been procrastinating about getting a job that’s for sure. In all these discoveries I also discovered this: I’m in a very bad job market: S/O to the economy and where I live. I don’t what to do but to keep applying for jobs. Maybe I should actually write something on LinkIn to get attention. Idk.

I initiated (yay) this journey in the hopes that my discoveries or answer would result in me landing a job to begin my life plan. But I’m realizing that maybe I should abandon that premise. Or maybe I need to keep digging. Or maybe put myself out there as the best d8med employee anyone can hire and stop hoping someone will recognize it. Or pursue a different avenue toward my goals. Or maybe consider that my answer maybe more profound than landing a job.

Whatever it is I am supposed to learn, discover, find it doesn’t matter#itsthejourneynotthedestination.

The point is……..I’m back
Return of the Jedi

My Advice on Relationship Advice

You might be surprised to learn that my own blog was born out of the following of other blogs (not really :)) more specifically a relationship advice blog. The writer has a distinct style and frank advice about love, sex and relationships from the male perspective. I love it. I follow his blog better than I update my own (LOL). That’s because his blog has a distinct purpose that developed into a book and I’m still developing my own. Anyway, I recently read this blog’s (link below) advice on a when/when not to propose tip. As I said before, I love this blog but it’ more for the (entertaining) insight into the male psyche than for the advice. Which brings to today’s post about my advice on relationship advice.

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a relationship advice expert. Honestly, I have never been in a relationship, I’m one of those freak-of-nature 20-something virgins flying under the radar as any other chick. So all of my advice is provided through such a lens. I would never presume to tell someone to come to me with their issues because I can’t relate to whatever may be going on but if you want an impartial perspective unclouded by past experiences and emotions I’m the one.

So what’s my advice on relationship advice?

1.) Don’t Trust the Source.

2.) Get Your Own Game Plan

3.) One Rule

1.) Don’t Trust the Source

The latest trend in relationship advice is coming from men. Men are arming women with the tools to hit the clubs and block parties like a ninja. Don’t trust the source. I am glad that men are coming forward and providing insight into how they work but the advice is slanted. That said I wouldn’t say trust advice of a woman either, it’s slanted as well. The issue I find with advice coming from either sex is that it is slanted toward how the opposite sex treats the other and is not balanced with advice on what their fulfillment in a relationship is. Men are every bit as unsure and wish-washy as women in what they want in a relationship or what they’re looking for in a partner. We both list the qualities we want in a person and rarely act when presented with those qualities. Granted all this does not mean to trash all advice because more often than not there are gems of wisdom in the advice. Just don’t follow blindly. I love the advice blog but even I see flawed logic and can’t agree about every point that the blogger has to make. Rather than take a man’s advice on how to handle a relationship I would say learn from the man about men. Same for men, don’t take a woman’s advice on a relationship, just from a woman about women which will lead to number two.

2.) Develop your own game plan

Call me Ned Stark: I disdain the game. Like Ned, I’m honest to a fault and don’t feel like entertaining the twittering bullshit facades. But unless I want to end up like Ned, out in the first season, better get up on the game. Learn about men from men rather do what they say (even the good men) cuz that will get you played as well. The inverse for men. Listen to either party and you will jump through hoops and face insurmountable expectations. Just learn the opposite sex and develop your own approach to flirting, sex, relationships, friendship etc. Also learn yourself. FOR REAL. I find people know themselves better than they like to admit. Learn the game, it’s ultimately the same doesn’t really change, just the players. This is the reason you learn the men/women you’re dealing with from the sources themselves. The men of yesteryear are not the men of today, and women have definitely come from the kitchen. Take the advice given with some salt and get your game plan.

3.) One Rule

Like I said, I’m honest to a fault I feel like one simple rule would cure most problems: the golden rule. All is fair in love and war but emotions are a dangerous thing to play with especially in a time where fatal attractions are common place. People as group have grown more obsessive, turning smiles and simple kindness into profound and deep romances, the opposite holds true as well. In this way I don’t fault men for their paranoia…to a certain degree. But anyway whenever I hear advice I mostly hear the sexes talking about how the other should treat them and not really speaking on what they are going to do on the other end. I see it as this: don’t ask me to anything you couldn’t see yourself doing for me regardless of what it is. This goes especially for relationships.

You know the phrase do as I say not as I do? For relationship advice I would say learn why they do,  do not what they say to do.

blackgirlsareeasy.com  Check it out. It is a good read.

Extended Breastfeeding: New Frontier?

Okay so I’m late. I can’t say much other than I have been detached lately but I have recently picked up buzz over the topic of Extended Breastfeeding. Check out the Time Magazine cover below.

Are You Mom Enough?

So I guess this a sub-group in the Mommy Crusade in their fight to mainstream parenthood, but unlike the topics of baby hours and  public breastfeeding, Attachment Parenting or Extended Breastfeeding on the whole has resounding negativity even from mothers. The Time magazine cover certainly didn’t help anyone’s cause not even Attachment Parenting advocates. The cover was simply too much and casts a kind of extremist light on parenting period.

Let me say this, I don’t think public breastfeeding is that big a deal. Once you become a parent, especially one that actually loves their child, maternal instincts kick in and you do any and everything to take care of your child. Sometimes it happens that the kid gets hungry at an unseemly time and it’s your duty to provide the child with what it needs. Sometimes that means pulling a boob out in public. I won’t lie and say that seeing this hasn’t made uncomfortable but at the same time I understood why a woman would do that. It’s your child, fuck the world if they have issue with you feeding your baby in public. That said, I wouldn’t say make public breastfeeding a habitual practice. Once upon a time it was like reading a book on bench but now we live a hypersensitive, hypersexualized world where breastfeeding enters the realm of privacy. Not saying that you shouldn’t feed your kid but if you can, dismiss yourself to a more private area to do what you have to do or keep bottles of pumped breast milk.

Back to Attachment Parenting. This is ridiculous to me. I remember seeing this in Game of Thrones and being grossed out. Here you have a child a that walk and talk still feeding from the tap. Why are people even practicing ‘attachment’ parenting? Isn’t the ultimate goal to raise a successful independent individual that will be able to tackle world long after you, as the parent, have gone on? To that end doesn’t make more sense to detach yourself a-step-at-a-time to develop that sense of  independence?Okay so you want your child to enjoy all the benefits of breastfeeding: healthier, less likely to develop cancer, obesity etc, etc. All good reasons and all reasons why I support breastfeeding to a certain age. Once the kid develops the motor skills to hold a bottle or start teething (which ever comes first) get a breast pump. This is my biggest issue with Attachment Parenting. Your child can still enjoy all the benefits of breast milk with a cup. Like any other mom, start keeping a breast pump nearby or a cooler with chilled servings of breast milk. My fear is that children brought up this way will just as dependent as Robin Arryn with just as big a sense of entitlement too.

I don’t deny that in these days families are fighting battle for their rights. The American family is being sidelined in favor of the young and wild and free. I believe there’s room for both but it will require compromises from both. On the parent side, one them maybe public breastfeeding.